we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
