The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
