I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
