If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
