This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
