you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
