When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
wow bdsm is so cute
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
