Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
