Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
