She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
