Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
