So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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