If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.