just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?