I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i can't believe i had my finger in that
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
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i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
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My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE