just come out here and I will go home with you...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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