I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
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there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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