Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
