Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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