mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
