Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
