I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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