i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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