Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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