I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
kristin has been a bad kristin
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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