sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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