You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
