VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
