Pants 0. Shit 1.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
