We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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