Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
