I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
