Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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