where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
