You can't special order awesome
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
