I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
