sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
