Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
People in love make me want to vomit
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize