Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
