ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
