pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
