An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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