You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
