I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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