i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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