you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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