Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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