The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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