She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
