My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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