Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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