it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
