Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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