There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
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Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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