We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
