Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
