So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
