a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
