Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
