we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
