Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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