News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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