I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
