just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
