You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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