So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
