there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
