In the future we'll all be gay
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
