How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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