you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
